I was recently almost taken out by a kidney stone.  I didn’t even feel it when it passed.  But its passing left an infection that got into my blood and went septic.  It put me in the hospital for several days.  Was my life every really in danger?  Probably not, but the speed and severity of going from feeling “off” to being packed in ice to get my fever to come down was nothing short of breathtaking.  I went from being the healthiest person I know, to on my way out in a matter of DAYS.  (Sepsis is no joke!)  Days later I’m still almost sobbing if I forget something and have to walk back across the room to get it.  I can’t wait to get my strength back.  Everyone is telling me to rest and get better but my soul doesn’t want rest.  It wants to get out there and do the things that I was too afraid to do before.  Because that truth is I was not living MY life.  And I realize now, I have no time for that.

That fear that held me back from pursuing my dreams?  I have no time for that.

All those responsibilities that keep me from taking a leap of faith and just DOING what I know in my heart I need to do?  I have no time for that.

Someone else’s needs coming before my own?  I have no time for that.

My parent’s expectation of what I should be? I have no time for that.

My partner’s expectation of who I should be? I have no time for that.

Complaining about how the world “should” be?  I have no time for that.

Missing out on the important for the urgent? I have no time for that.

Caring that the world tells me I’m too fat?  I have no time for that.

Caring that the world tells me I’m too old to make a difference? I have no time for that.

Using my past failings as a reason not to move forward? I have no time for that.

Worrying about what other people might think of me? I have no time for that.

Afraid of living an exceptional life? I have no time for that.

I have no other moment than RIGHT NOW! 

I am choosing to stop and notice how beautiful the ice on the trees is, and how the sun glints off the snow in little diamond sparkles instead of cursing the cold.  I am choosing to truly look into my grandson’s eyes and appreciate how new and precious this gift of life is instead of being too busy.  I am choosing to deepen my connections with people instead of being afraid to let them into my world.  I am choosing to live my life unapologetically instead of trying to mold myself into everyone’s cup of tea.  I am choosing to sing instead of holding silent to not offend. I am choosing to dance and appreciate and LOVE and damn the consequences.

I now understand that this ONE life is the only one I get.  Everything around me can change in an instant or be gone entirely.

Now is the time to put aside the things that hold me back.   

I no longer have the luxury of thinking I have time to put off using the gifts I was given. 

I have time no for that. 

And neither do you.