What is Self-Love and why is it so important?
Many believe it is selfish to do something for themselves every day or to put yourself first sometimes.
I love this quote from the article; What is Self-Love and Why Is It So Important? (psychcentral.com) "Self-love doesn't prevent you from caring about others; it simply means you can give yourself the same kindness that you give to others."
So why do many of us feel we can't or shouldn't give ourselves the same kindness we give others?
"If you grew up without any models for self-love or anyone who talked to you about the importance of being good to yourself, you might question its value."
"Without self-love, you're likely to be highly self-critical and fall into people-pleasing and perfectionism. You're more likely to tolerate abuse or mistreatment from others. You may neglect your own needs and feelings because you don't value yourself. And you may self-sabotage or make decisions that aren't in your own best interest."
The effects of how I grew up and my relationship with self-love....
I personally grew up with a mom who never took time or did things for herself. That was the model of "being a mom" that I grew up with. I did the same things my mom did for years, putting everyone else first, never taking time for myself, and making sure every holiday was perfect. The holidays were the hardest for me, I would stress over perfection. Decorating the house, making a ton of cookies, buying all the gifts, wrapping, have the perfect everything. I would stress so much that as soon as Christmas was over, I would get sick every single year.
Then one year about 6yrs ago our daughter was in the hospital for about 10 days before Christmas, and the weeks prior to that were hell in our house with her medicine affecting her so badly that I had no time to decorate, make cookies, or even put our tree up. That was the year I let go of my expectations. I ordered cookies from our local Gluten Free bakery, the only decorations that got up were the stockings and we decorated our tree on the 23rd, the night she got out of the hospital. In a weird way it was freeing. Every year since then I let go of the "perfection expectation", and I enjoy Christmas so much more! I make cookies if I want to, not because I have to. And guess what??? I no longer get sick from all the stress!
My first marriage was to someone who was a lot like my mother, go figure right?! I deep down didn't think I deserved more than who he was, which was a very critical, emotionally abusive person. I walked on eggshells every day not knowing what version of my husband was going to walk through the door that night. I cooked, cleaned, took care of our baby and never asked for anything.... what I got in return was someone who constantly compared our lives to others. No, we didn't have a lot, but we had a roof over our head and a beautiful daughter. To me that was enough, to him it wasn't. He constantly made me feel bad about our lives and constantly let me know that he wasn't happy with it either.
I lost myself in that relationship and marriage and didn't truly realize just how much I disappeared until we got separated and divorced. I found myself again, I found that happy, positive, joyful person that was buried deep, deep down inside. I became whole again. I treated myself with the respect I deserved all those years. I accepted who I was, this new version of me, that by the way, I absolutely LOVE!!!! I became confident and loved my independence. I realized that I wouldn't/shouldn't take anything less than the love I gave myself, not from anyone!
So, what can we do to change how we love ourselves?
First, start by having an overall positive view of yourself. This is realizing that I can love myself while temporarily being angry, upset or disappointed in myself.
Say positive things about yourself, whether it is daily affirmations, or just looking in the mirror and saying something uplifting.
Forgive yourself when you mess up. We all make mistakes or take the wrong route from time to time. Let go and forgive.
Don't let others take advantage of you or abuse you in any way, shape or form!
Value your strengths and know when to ask for help.
Live according to your values.
Challenge yourself! Don't let fear rule your life!
And to me, one of the most important things we can do for ourselves is, spending time around people who support you and build you up (and avoiding people who don't).
I leave you with this quote:
Comments 3
Leave a comment / questionBridget
Feb 9, 2023 6:00 PM
Great job! Keep it up! Love how you are getting out of your comfort zone. You are a natural!
James N.
Feb 14, 2023 2:59 PM
Excellent work, Elaine! Bravo!!
James N.
Feb 14, 2023 3:06 PM
Essential Oil blends that come to mind to promote the shift into a space of self love:
1. Acceptance
2. Inner Child
3. Release
4. Inner Harmony
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May 13, 2019
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